I arrived in Bolzano thinking I could find cheaper accommodation than the places I had called earlier from Austria. It was going to be difficult with the tourist office closed for the day, but surely AUD$50 for a bed in a small town could be beaten.
I walked to a few places but all of them were full, so I felt my next option for finding a private pension was to head to the nearest Irish pub.
After looking through the phone book that the barman had given me over a pint of Guinness, I was starting to get desperate. Just as I was explaining my situation to the barman, a guy at the bar interrupted. “You need a place to stay, here take these keys” he said in broken English. I assumed they were the keys to his apartment so I thanked him. When I asked him why he gave them to me straight away, considering I was a stranger, he replied that his name was Klaus, and he believed he could help with my situation.
This started a conversation where I explained that I didn’t want to impose on his generosity, and that I was cautious to accept an offer from a complete stranger. During the conversation, I began to realise that Klaus had “a couple of sheep missing from the paddock”.
“Are you good with electronics, yes or no…..? he asked.
“Well it depends on what you are talking about….”
“It’s either a yes or a no….” he insisted.
“Well, yes” I replied.
This was when he announced he had a computer for me. He pulled out a small, compact, metal box, which opened into an international world clock [complete with a demonstration of the incorrect time in Sydney] that he wanted to GIVE to me. This, coupled with an incessant need to be 4 inches from my face when he spoke, had me a little worried, but he was my only option.
I decided, “what the hell, you only live once” and I agreed to meet him back at the pub that night.
That evening, I caught a taxi with my gear to his house while he followed behind on his scooter. At this stage, I’m not sure if he was intentionally trying to freak me out, but he started saying things like “we are alone now”, which I think was meant to be reassuring. Ready to run, but still going along with the plan, we arrived at what was his parents’ house. “Thank god” I thought, at least his mother would be a witness if anything happened to me.
Klaus was eager to show me the house, which started with a tour of his bedroom. This is where the true extent of his mental condition become apparent. First he showed me his CD amplifier, with no CD player. When I asked him where it was, he said it was being fixed. When I queried him further, he told me quite abruptly that it was “top secret!” Next he showed me his picture of Julia Roberts, and in true serial killer style, Klaus had made a collage in a picture frame, with the picture of Julia in the centre!
Next was his account of Pink Floyds “Living in the Machine” some of you may know it, I think it’s the right title. Well, apparently it’s actually a song about Klaus because he was in a huge machine about 5 years ago. A computer. While he was telling me this, he got out his tennis racket. It had no strings and the head was taped back together. He said when he could afford it, his goal was to have it restrung. Finally he pointed to the cable TV box, and began to tell me how the president of the USA talked to him through it.
Thinking that perhaps I was losing something in his broken English, I asked him about the president’s recent speeches on CNN, and got the response:
“No… He talks TO ME. He tells me things”
It’s about this time I decide to get some sleep. I decline Klaus’s suggestion that I sleep in his room, and find there is a room downstairs.
The next morning, waking up alive, I bump into Klaus in the hallway who tells me he needs to go for coffee. I expected to leave with him, but when I reemerge from the bathroom, he has gone.
After a brief moment of reflection, feeling like a very lucky man, I write Klaus a thank you note, and get back on the road again.